The Dark Parade

Hey there, everyone. I'm Bo. And I'm Jamie.

And this is the only podcast that dares ask the question. Hey, Jamie, what you watching? You know, I've been watching a lot. Oh, well, that's good. Let's see. One thing I did. Makes the show work a lot better.

Yeah, I could just say, nothing. No, nothing. But no, it is not the case. Just staring at the walls. You are, I assume, familiar with the film Rosemary's Baby. Oh, I am.

Yeah. Have you ever seen Look What's Happened to Rosemary's Baby? The sequel? I have not. Yeah. It's from 76. It was a TV movie. And I've been looking for it forever.

For one, I have a soft spot for TV movies. I just, I do. And Brian makes fun of me for that all the time. But it's a thing. I love TV horror movies. Also, particularly from the 70s.

Of course, I love Rosemary's Baby. It's one of my all time favorite movies. As a matter of fact, last week when I was convalescing because of the COVID, I watched.

That is one of my comfort movies. Yeah, because it's such a feel-good movie. It is, yeah. It's in no way unsettling.

It was a toss-up between that and The Omen. Those are two movies that I just love to watch when I'm feeling low. I would have gone... The Omen is a little more popcorn.

of a movie i feel like you know and well you do have that david warner head cut which is awesome it's really good plus you've got gary cooper like i've got to kill my child Did you know, speaking of manly voices, did you know that the...

In the original Rosemary's Baby, there is a scene where Rosemary talks to Donald Baumgart, the actor that Guy gets the part from because Donald goes blind.

And there's a scene where Rosemary talks to him on the phone. And then I've seen this movie, I don't even know how many times, easily in the double digits. And this time when I was watching it, I'm like, what is that voice? I know that voice. I recognize it. So I looked it up.

It's fucking Tony Curtis. No kidding. Right? I was like, what? I mean, why? I mean, it's just, I don't know, random.

but yeah it's tony curtis and he was uncredited i believe in the original film and then you know it's on imdb but i was like oh and then once i knew that i couldn't unhear it like it was obvious but like

that's so weird but anyway so i looked up i found um uh look what's i was gonna say look who's talking look what's happened to rosemary's baby look who's talking to rosemary's baby look who's talking to rosemary's baby

spoiler, it's the devil. What?

i uh no i found it on tubi of course yeah who's of course who is in look what's happened to rosemary's baby or any of the original cast in it um yes

There's one. Oh, no. I was going to say, yes, I think there was, but I want to say it was just like a flashback scene. But as far as who played.

rosemary's baby um which is all grown now is um oh fucking um oh uh stephen mckaddy really

Yes. And he's like in his 20s or, you know, young. And I was like, what? Like, I've never seen him that young. So that's weird. Patty Duke was in it.

Of course, he was in everything. But the conceit here is that he is grown. He has no idea who he is. So it's very similar to Damon, the Omen 2, where...

where Damien, Damien, where Damien finds out who he is. Only it's not that good.

but and he's much older so i want to say he's supposed to be like 18 and he just all of a sudden just evil is it's weird i

i honestly it's not good it and i was really disappointed now i had never heard that it was good but i expected it to be a little better than it was and i was i was very disappointed but

The cool thing about it was that there was a very young Stephen McHattie in it. Also, Broderick Crawford was in it. Ruth Gordon and Ray Milland and Tina Louise. So they had a lot of people in this movie.

And it just is sad.

So and they they go through and they're trying to get him to, you know, you want to do this. You want to come to this side. And he has this friend who's with him the whole time. And this friend is.

you think like supposed to be this good influence. And then it turns out that the friend is the bad influence. And then you get to the end of the movie and he ends up getting killed. And then.

I mean, I'm spoiling like a 50 year old movie, but he ends up getting killed. And then they just.

basically start all over again so they have a woman that they've gotten pregnant and then they're just gonna

Start all over. I'm like, wow. So you just wasted 18 years to not get what, of course, I guess it's the frigging devil. He's got eternity. So.

18 years is nothing but it's just like we're gonna raise this kid and then we get to this point and then you know oh now we gotta reset so it was uh it was sadly disappointing yeah well

um start sorry yeah that's fine that's why it's interesting because i've never seen that and i've always been curious but now i i am even less interested to watch it uh than i was

And you're doing fine. You're not, you're not, you're doing just fine. You ain't missing much. Um, I saw a lot of my stuff is going to be stuff that premiered on shutter because I've really been trying to keep current.

With all of their original releases or kind of exclusive releases and so forth. And so I watched The Spine of Night. Oh, I watched that. Oh, okay. Cool. All right. So here's...

I thought it was imperfect because it's kind of an anthology. I didn't realize that going into it, that it's kind of an anthology film. But yeah, it's, yeah. I mean, it's, it's kind of a weird.

like a linear anthology on like a like it tells an overarching story but they're a little different time periods in there like different little vignettes yeah is what i took from it right so i mean there's a through line of hey you know this is sort of lucy lawless having this conversation with um

Richard Grant, who is the, you know, sort of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade knight standing vigil, you know?

And so that part of it was really interesting. Some of the stories were kind of hit and miss. But I really dug the vibe of the movie. That it just...

Because it's something that you don't see anymore. Like, it's been, what, like mid-80s? Since you saw an animated, like an adult animated film like this that was... Yeah, it's very heavy metal.

very heavy metal very uh a little bit of the like ralph bakshi lord of the rings stuff it's got a little bit of that vibe but yeah mostly like the the story from heavy metal uh that i think i think it was the last story in the original heavy metal with the

lady who wrote the dragons and all that stuff it like if you took that piece and expanded it out into a feature length and it was like gory and there's lots of nudity there's less heavy metal music which is a problem

But other than that, I thought it was cool. Like I said, I don't think it's a perfect movie by any stretch.

But I had a good time watching it and there were enough little things throughout that was like, oh, that's cool. Oh, that's kind of cool. And I like that whole kind of last story about the...

you know, people who had the wings and the big airships that they're trying to fight, mostly because that ends with everybody just like melting in lava or whatever. I thought all that stuff was pretty, pretty cool.

It's real grim.

and really violent too lots of uh like that one scene where i think it's a scythe they just take and just just he slices like eight people in half at once and uh i was like damn all right

Yeah, yeah, super violent, a lot of blood, a lot of nudity, a lot of, you know, fantasy-esque kind of tropes and so forth. I just thought it was interesting. Like, I'm not...

over the moon for the movie, but I'm really glad it exists. You know? I agree. I wish there were more like this.

and it's the voice cast is really good too it's got a pretty a pretty deep bench like you know pat oswald showing up and joe manganello and

uh like i said lucy lawless and larry fessenden is is doing a voice in there and just also betty betty gabriel from uh walking dead has uh she has a part in there

This is the story that Brian told me. This is the same guy who did Love, Death, and Robots.

from netflix and love death and robots was supposed to be or he had pitched it as or he wanted it to be another heavy metal movie

only they couldn't secure the rights to call it a heavy metal movie and like they were arguing with him about it or whatever so he just said fuck it and made love death and robots and then this is

from the same guy so that i explain i think explains why it's so it feels so heavy metal because that's all i kept thinking about the whole time i was watching it and i think that that's why is because he is

clearly you know heavily inspired by that and loved it loved it so much he wanted to make a heavy metal movie and then when he couldn't he just said well fine i'll just do my own thing but it's going to be real damn close

try and stop me yeah i thought it was cool and you know i've recommended it to a couple of people with with sort of an asterisk of don't

go in with measured expectations. Like this isn't going to blow your socks off, but it's really interesting. And I've had a lot of people come back and say that they really enjoyed it. In some cases, way more than I did.

But it's cool. I think there was something interesting about that kind of filmmaking that you don't see anymore. It made me happy that it wasn't just CGI animation.

You know, that it was like hand-drawn, even though it was occasionally kind of crude. But I would rather see that, I think, than computer animation. I agree. You know, I liked that. I really liked the animation style.

And I don't remember the last time I've seen so many cartoon boobs and dongs. Yeah. That was a lot. I like a good cartoon dong. I ain't above it.

uh what else have you been watching well you know how sometimes you see a movie in the theater and you don't like it at all and then like 15 years later you're like oh

Let me give that movie another shot just because. Well, you know how you do. Well, I did that and I watched Teresta's again.

For the first time since it came out in the theater. All right. Let me interrupt just to say I had never seen Teresta's until over the pandemic. And I watched it for the first time within the past 18 months.

Oh, wow. Okay. Well, when it first came out, I didn't like it at all. I don't know what it was at the time. I was just like, nope.

But I watched it this time, and I didn't hate it. I actually gave it a 3.5 out of 5. And I was like, well, this is better than I remembered. And so...

I, you know, that just goes to show, and Brian's like, I don't know why you're making me watch this movie. Because he didn't like it either when it first came out. I'm like, because, you know.

As we age, sometimes our opinions change. Sometimes the mood changes. I mean, you know, I like to give things another shot. Like, I just, I like to be fair. And I have been deriding this film for 15 years.

So I was like, let me just see. And I didn't hate it. Like, it was all right. You know, it wasn't, you know, it's not a movie that I'm going to put on my watch when I'm not feeling well list, but I didn't hate it.

So I bring that up simply to point out that sometimes things are different down the road and it's worth it to give something another shot. Counterpoint. Go ahead.

So I watched Tarista's and I thought it was toothless and boring. Well, I thought it was boothless and touring. Oh, fair enough. You know.

I just thought... I don't even know what that means. I guess boothless means that you're not going to see it at a convention.

But it's touring, so it must be going around. Right. Just not at conventions. Just at gas stations and bus depots. No, my big problem with Teristas was... I went into it thinking like, okay, well, this is going to be a movie that capitalizes on the, you know, hostile saw torture porn kind of trend.

and as i was watching i was like oh this isn't very gory at all also not very interesting

I'm getting really bored because nothing's happening and I don't like any of these characters and I don't care about watching them creep around a shack. And I would, I would rather.

I would almost rather it was like a torture porn kind of movie. Say what you will about Eli Roth, and I've said a lot of raw shit about Eli Roth in my day, but at the very least, he shows the goods.

and teresa's doesn't even do that and i watched the unrated one and i was like so did i this isn't all that unrated

No. Well, and what I thought was interesting about that is the credit, the opening credits is really brutal, you know, with the girl on the table and all of that. And I was like, oh, and then I said to myself, I was like, well, this was too solid.

this was 2006 so i was like i didn't remember it being that brutal or that gory but it looks like we're in for it

No, we weren't. I mean, you're not wrong. We weren't. And the biggest problem I had with it was that huge, boring exposition dump that we got from the doctor.

toward the end of the movie where he goes on this long soliloquy about why he's doing the things he's doing and why he's harvesting organs and why and i'm just and he talks for like fucking 10 minutes like it's probably more like

five, but it felt like 10 minutes. And I'm just like,

This is so much, like, just so much talking from one guy with nobody else talking. It's just him going. And I'm like, that is the clumsiest delivery of what the hell is going on. But...

What I did...

I did like the way that it was shot. I did like the scenery. I did like some of the music. So it was more the technical stuff that I guess I didn't hate. And then when we did get some gore, I thought it looked decent. But...

It is pretty toothless. I mean, you're absolutely right. It is one of those films that you watch it and then it just kind of flies out of your head.

I just thought it was interesting, though, because when I saw it the first time, I outright hated it. I mean, I was just like, and I remember I reviewed it, and it was just scathing.

I think I referred to it as like hostile with no balls, you know, which is basically what it felt like.

I was impressed that I enjoyed it more than that. But you're not wrong. I mean, you're absolutely not wrong. And some of the decisions that these people make are just ridiculous.

It was, like I said, better than I remembered it being. It's still not great. And I'm very generous with my ratings.

So a 3.5 is not really that good for me. It's like a middle of the road. Because if you look at my letterbox, I got a lot of fours and fives.

I rarely land in the middle. Either I really, really like it or I'll toss it out the window. So for me to land in the middle, that just means you didn't do anything that pissed me off, but you also didn't excite me very much either.

So, but I just thought it was kind of, um, at least it came up a little bit from the first time I watched it, but it's still not great. Um, well, all right. Um.

Alright, speaking of watching old movies, let me jump to this one. So, you know how sometimes...

You watch a movie that you haven't seen in about 20 years and it's just as good as you remembered it. Yes. So I watched...

I watched war games and I meant to watch a five, 10 minutes of it. Um, but then I forgot.

that that movie opens up with like michael madsen and um who is the other guard at the beginning of war games it's somebody else that's like a name

And it was like, oh my god, I forgot that these people were in it. Oh, shit, right. Dabney Coleman is all up in this movie. Oh, and there's Barry Corbin. And so I ended up watching all of War Games, is the moral of the story.

And I hadn't watched War Games in a really long time, but I watched it a ton when I was a kid. Yeah. And it was really delightful. Like, I still really enjoyed it. It's still a very fun movie.

you know, has something to say, makes its point. And Daphne Coleman is kind of a great bureaucratic asshole.

And the whole scene where he's like, hey, see out there where it says DEFCON 3? That's usually a DEFCON 4. You know why it's not a DEFCON 4? Because of you, you little prick.

That whole scene is really wonderful. And then the, you know, the end of it, the whole, you know, playing tic-tac-toe and all the...

thermonuclear war simulations and stuff like that like it still totally worked for me i don't know learn learn yeah right and yeah and it was it was really fun to watch a movie

that i mean it's not as relevant today as it was at the time because you know well i don't know maybe we've circled around we yeah yeah

But, you know, I mean, it's not to the point we were right. But yeah, it's not the same kind of Cold War vibe, but in all the computer technology is just so archaic and all that. But.

um it's still super fun and it's got good performances and Matthew Broderick was really charming when he was a young actor and Ally Sheedy is a lot of fun and it's just cool you know like I had a great time Time.

you know, watching a movie that I remembered fondly and having that experience of like, oh no, this is as good as I remember it. It's, you know, it's dated, but that's fine. It's still a good movie.

And it reminded me of seeing a post somewhere where somebody was talking about how they don't like to watch movies made before 1990. And I was like, really? What? Yeah.

Because that's most movies then. Right. Is this someone that you are friends with? No, no, no, no, no. It was just a random post I saw somewhere. Okay. Because I'm like, stop that.

Yeah, no, I would have a serious talk with him. Like, you understand that there's a long, long history of cinema. And just because it doesn't have the... quick edits of a marvel movie doesn't mean that it's not good um but yeah i thought it was a lot of fun

is the moral of that story is that war games is a good time and if you've never seen war games it's 40 years old and looks every bit of it but it's also

Kind of fun. And, and it was interesting. Like him, Matthew Broderick explaining how like.

computers can communicate over phone lines right was like oh well right that was that was before that was the thing i remember seeing that movie and being like

Oh my God, one day you're going to be able to talk to people on computers. Well, that's like, did you ever see Brain Scan?

uh yeah years ago i know what you're talking about but yeah a long time ago you watch the uh the what's that kid the um edward furlong yeah thank you uh you're watching the beginning edward furlong has this whole like wild crazy computer setup you know that he can talk to and everything

They're like, ooh. And that was only in the 90s. It's not like it was that long ago. Yeah. But you're like, ooh, look how fancy. When Matthew Broderick pulls out that floppy disk that is the size of his head.

right and i was like oh right yeah i forgot that that was a thing and you know and they were actually floppy yeah when we got to the 3.5s they were you still call them floppy disks but they weren't floppy no you know yeah but uh

Not unless he took the plastic off. It's funny you should mention that because... Sorry, I just had a picture of something totally different in my head. You're filthy.

I am. But.

That feels like an old Carson bit. May your flappy disc be inserted into your disk drive.

And it gets floppy once you take the plastic off. But I, well, what was I going to say? What was I going to say? Oh, it's funny you should bring up War Games because I was...

I have not watched it recently, but I was going to because we just watched In Search of Tomorrow. The guys who did In Search of Darkness, the...

the horror doc did a sci-fi doc from the 80s and they went through you know year by year through the 80s and and did all the the big tent pole sci-fi movies now there were some obvious omissions that

you know make you go there's going to be a sequel but it was really good and one of the films they highlighted was war games and i was like god i haven't seen that movie in forever so it's actually on my

to watch at some point soon list because it watching the little doc about it made me want to see it again i didn't realize they'd done uh in search of tomorrow like did they do two or three in search of darkness

There are two out currently. There is a third one on the way. And then now they've done In Search of Tomorrow. And I think there are going to be more of those as well. You know what I don't really like about those movies?

is that they don't really say anything about the movies it's just like hey remember this you're like yeah i do remember that

Well, what about this one? Yes, I remember that one too. And then this one? I do. I do remember that. But what about this? Yes, I remember all of this.

In search of tomorrow when did have some cool interviews and some stories from production and things like that. So it was, it was entertaining, but it does kind of suffer from the same thing. And it's more that, I mean, hell.

they're kind of rushing through it and it's still five hours long right yeah that's they go through 10 years worth of movies but That's another problem is like, if I'm going to dedicate three or four hours to a documentary, I want it to be something like, you know.

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched, something like that, where it's like, oh, there's a lot of meat on this bone. It's not just remember this movie. It's talking about how all of these movies are...

thematically connected and maybe you don't think of this as folk horror but it kind of is for these reasons and like that kind of stuff where it's really interesting and engaging

Whereas In Search of Darkness is a thing that I have thrown on in the background while I'm doing dishes. You know, it doesn't demand attention the way that, like, a real...

in quotes a real documentary does and you are correct uh you are right they do just kind of you know fly through and they are it's their fault that i watched full moon high and that movie is crap so

Is that Ellen Orkin? Yes. And it's terrible. I was like, God damn it. And I actually covered it for liking it. I was like, I've never seen this, so I'm going to do this for liking it. And then I watched it.

and it was bad it's so bad not even funny just awful yeah that's how every now and again i'll run into a movie on found footage fool

I'm like, I, you know, I watch this because it's a found footage movie and that doesn't make it like that. That's no excuse for having watched it. Did you ever watch a ghoul?

I have not yet. No, no, no, I have not. It's not bad. It's not one of my favorite found footage movies or anything, but they do some interesting things as far as...

they bring in real life stuff. You know, they talk, they open with how Stalin, you know, starved so many Ukrainians.

back in the day which i actually appreciate when people bring up stalin because everyone's always talking about hitler but nobody ever talks about stalin and that guy was a fucking bastard he was so evil and

And somehow Hitler has managed to corner the market on evil. When if you look at the just the sheer numbers, now his Stalin was stretched over a longer amount of time. But if you just go by sheer numbers.

He killed a whole lot more people and he's just horrible. And so when he had that, he forced him into famine and they ended up turning to cannibalism. Like there was a huge cannibalism problem in Ukraine.

because of him and then they sort of they open with that little tidbit of information and then they bring in the story of Chikatilo who and they use him in the movie

not the real person but they use his story in the movie and i think that's cool i actually like it when a found footage film goes to the trouble of working in real world stuff so i think it's worth it for that if um

if nothing else yeah i i agree i'll if you can lend your found footage movie an air of authenticity with some stuff like that then i'm generally more interested as yeah so i you know

Being a found footage guy, I think you should give it a shot. You want to do another one? I feel like. Sure. Okay. Yeah, we kind of did some. That was kind of wonky. But this is one that I think.

I think you'll be appreciative of, as am I, because I think you're a Kenneth Branagh fan. I am a Kenneth Branagh fan. That's what I thought. We just watched Death on the Nile. Oh, I saw that also.

My God. I love, I love his, first of all, I love him in those movies. And after, um, Murder on the Orient Express came out.

I felt like it didn't do all that well. And I was really sad because I wanted him to do more of them because I just feel like he is one so good at it and then so good in the role.

And I was just like, I was so sad. But then when I found out that Death on the Nile was coming out, I'm like, oh, nice. You know, so we watched it and I really dug it. I loved it.

First of all, Kenneth Branagh, I just love him anyway. And I haven't seen Belfast yet, but I am really excited too because I saw him on Bill Maher and he was talking about when he was making Belfast and how that's based on...

his life when he was in Ireland as a little boy. And so I just got really, I'm really excited to see that film. But anyway, we watched Death on the Nile and I thought it was really, really good.

It didn't surprise me that it was because I just love him, but it looked so beautiful. It's so, it's just, it's fantastic. And the cast I thought was great. And I just.

I don't know. I enjoyed that one. Did you like it? I did not. No? Why? I thought it was beautiful. I did not think the cast was great. I don't think Gal Gadot can act.

Well, she's a little stiff, but she's pretty. She is pretty. But, you know, there's the one of my favorite jokes from Paula Poundstone was about Daryl Hannah.

Uh-huh. And she said, you know, I don't know why we still allow her to be in movies. I don't necessarily agree with this. I think Daryl Hannah's better than Gal Gadot. But the point was, I think she's pretty, but...

I would be fine if they just put a little picture of her in the corner of the screen and had somebody else actually do the acting part of it. And that's how I feel about...

Gal Gadot. But also, I just thought the cast in general was not very good. Oh, what? Like, I like Kenneth Branagh.

Benning and and Kenneth Branagh and I actually I don't care that he had this whole like cannibal fantasy or whatever I like army army army army hammer

Army Hammer. Thank you. I was trying to call him Army Hermer. I mean, Army Lermer. What? Arlie. Adomable. Abomable. Arlie Ermey and Army Hammer. I was trying to mix them up and I was trying to say Army Ermey.

I... Arlie Ermey was in Death on the Nile even though he has passed away several years ago. It was his death that they were talking about. I have died!

Someone find out who killed me. Get to solving a mystery, maggots. So I think Kenneth Barada is as good as El Cueblo.

But the whole bit with his wife, they're like, there are sad and sweet. It was sad, but like all of the exposition in this movie is so ham.

fisted it like I don't think it's well written I don't think that the cast is very good some of them are like I think Annette Benny is fine I thought Russell Brand was good

Oh my God. Do you know, I saw his name in the credits in the beginning and then I kept looking for him and it took me forever to figure out that Russell Brand was Russell Brand. Cause I'm like, holy shit.

You shouldn't tell people that. They're going to put you in a home.

didn't look like it i mean of course it does it looks exactly like russell brand because it looks like him now but it didn't look like him the last time i saw him which was like i don't know saving silverman or something yeah forgetting sarah marshall

oh that's right say saving silverman is uh features um what's her name not not piper perabo the other one who looks like piper perabo oh the other one

You know who I'm talking about? No, of course not. It's not Lake Bell, and it's not Piper Perivo. It's the other of that trifecta.

Of actresses that look exactly like one another. Oh, like Amy Adams and Isla Fisher. Yeah. Fisher. Isla Fisher.

God, what is wrong with you? I like that you just developed an accent. Isla Fisher? Um...

Well, I'm sad that you didn't like Death on the Nile. That makes me sad, because I loved it. It's, you know, Amanda Pete is who's in Saving Sovereign. Oh, you know what? You're not wrong. I know I'm not wrong.

I'm telling you, you put Amanda Pete, Piper Perabo, and Lake Bell in a room together and you just shuffle them up like they change clothes. And they come out like there's no way to tell them apart.

Do like a shell game, but with them. Yeah, but with those three actresses.

And I like all of them is the thing. Combine it with whack-a-mole. So when you mix them up and then one of them pops up, you whack them. A little whack-a-peat. I don't know.

it's like i'm drunk i don't know what's wrong it's all right move on what's your you've got covet brain apparently i you know brain fog

With COVID is a real thing. Like last week, it was so hard for me to even string two thoughts together. I mean, and I know everybody out there is listening. It's like, when is it not? But.

Even the simplest tasks I was having difficulty with, like trying to reconcile in my brain.

okay then i hit enter like that that's you know it was it was rough but uh so i'll blame that that that's that's what i'll go with let me tell you about a another shutter film

that i watched that was also not very good um this one is called see for me okay i've seen the trailer i've not seen the film okay so

Did you ever happen to see a Mike Flanagan movie called Hush? Well, yeah. Okay. I know you did. I'm just... I'm setting up for the audience.

Imagine that movie only instead of deaf, she's blind. And instead of good, it's not. Wait. So.

what was the movie there was a blind movie oh uh don't breathe that's what people were comparing hush to when it came out but like because that was like year of the handicap people fighting back you know um

but okay all right so or wait wait until dark is the original version of all these movies good one wait until dark's amazing and so is hush hush is a terrific movie it's really really tense and and

and so forth i mean it's mike flanagan and right we we all love mike flanagan here on this show but so c for me is about a a young woman played by skylar davenport And she was a skier and ends up having this like progressive ocular disease that means that she's blind now.

and so she gets an app on her phone called see for me and so she has to not has to but she she like she gets locked out of this house that she's house setting uh you know, for the owners and...

Uh, the C for me is basically like you open up this app, you point the phone camera at whatever it is that you need to see. And somebody on the other end, it's like a service where somebody is like, Oh, I can.

tap into your camera and here's what you're looking at. And that's kind of a disturbing premise.

Well, I mean, it's handy. When I saw the premise of this, I was like, oh, that makes sense. That's kind of an interesting app.

Well, I mean, think about this. If you're blind and then you have no idea what you may have, no idea what you're aiming your camera at. So what if it's like, what if there's a mirror there and you're naked or something?

Like that is just, it's a recipe for possibly embarrassment and or disaster. I suppose that's true. That's not the approach that this movie took. Well, damn. Nor is it.

that the person on the other end of the app is like, hey, go for 15 steps. Hey, there's a staircase there. This will be a good one.

instead there's a home invasion that happens and so the this uh this woman who has this ocular problem is now depending on

the other person on the other end of the app who is seen for her. And, um, you know, it like the premise is not a bad one.

It actually sounds like it could be interesting. Yeah, and at the end of the day, I don't think it's a terrible movie. But it just doesn't do anything new or different with the premise. And there are so many better...

versions of this the one thing i did like about the movie is that the the main character uh played by skylar davenport is

A little bit morally ambiguous. Like, she's not necessarily a super good person. And not just because she's...

It's not like Sin of a Woman where she's just blind and ornery. Although, now that I say that, the better movie is The Colonel from Sin of a Woman in this scenario.

Trying to break into my house? I'll burn it down. Hooah. Much better movie. You remind me of Seth Meyers doing Al Pacino. It's...

You don't remind me of Al Pacino. You remind me of Seth Meyers doing Al Pacino. The impression I do of Al Pacino is the impression everyone does of Al Pacino from the time.

that he did set up a woman on.

and yeah isn't it weird he had such an illustrious career prior to that only when it comes time for someone to do an impression of him they forget all of that and they go straight percent of a woman well yeah because that's when he started doing

an impression of himself yes because before like in godfather and stuff it's a very like that's that's my family k that's not me like it's a very

right it's a very uh a very normal voice a little high-pitched even even you know stuff like uh cruising and all of that but yeah as soon as he hit sin of a woman and i think it's because he won an oscar and he was like

I guess that means I don't have to act anymore. Wah! And every role that he's been in since Sin of a Woman has just been that.

But I do think it would be great if he were in this movie. But yeah, it's kind of fine, but it's more disappointing because it's just kind of fine.

When there were just so many, you know, we talked about Wait Until Dark and Hush and... uh what what's another good example of one of these movies or don't even blink i think what it was not bad are you talking about the madeline stowe ed harris movie blink

Yes. Actually, it was Matt Harris. I know the lead was. Oh, Benny and June, brother. Johnny Depp. No. oh uh Aiden Quinn Aiden Quinn yes yes um no you're right you're right Eddie Ed Harris was not in it Aiden Quinn was James Remar was in that yes yeah Laurie Metcalf wow

uh yeah i blink from 1993 a movie that is now 30 years old if you want to uh feel ancient yeah oh god yeah but

So, or what is, speaking of Pacino, didn't he do another one with somebody who was? Or maybe I'm thinking of Copycat, where Sigourney Weaver just couldn't leave her house.

Whatever. I watched that not too long ago because we're in our seas. And that was actually, that was better than I remember too. People give that movie a lot of shit. I didn't think it was all that bad. Yeah, it's okay. Go on.

What's his name? Sound it out. It's like Mel Tillis. Just sing it. Topic hat. Okay. I love...

That you fucking went for Mel Tillis. Because only you would pull Mel Tillis out of your ass.

Knowing damn well that I'm probably the only person that knows who the hell you're talking about. Yeah, I'm going to have to put in the podcast notes. Here's a link to the Mel Tillis Wikipedia page.

Man cannot live by bread alone. He has his whole foghorn leghorn thing. Uh-huh.

Harry Connick Jr. is what I was going to say. His performance is a little over the top. You think? He's a little nuts. But it was fun. It's a fun movie. He goes a little broad.

playing for the back of the room. But I don't disagree.

like i i enjoy the movie copy but it's mostly because it's holly hunter it's a gurney weaver together yeah and i have a crush on both of them and you put them together in a movie and i'm you know

Just try to keep my hands out of my pants. But yeah, so that's C for me is the point. Well, you want to hear about something good? Yes, please.

Too bad. Too bad because the next thing I have is not bad. It is.

Now, you know how you've been waiting all of these years for a true sequel to I Spit on Your Grape?

oh yeah yeah yeah there's a yeah what is the name of this thing i spit on your grave deja vu deja vu that's right okay and yeah it actually has um oh what is her name

um who plays jennifer i don't remember her name um i'll look it up you keep going from the from the uh anyway from the original film she comes back and she and her daughter get um

kidnapped outside this restaurant because she's written a book uh she's written a book about her all you know what she went through back then and she's also been

She gets a lot of hate because people call her a murderer and all this stuff. And so she's constantly having to defend the fact that she did what she did. And so she wrote this book.

And then she and her daughter get kidnapped and it turns out they're kidnapped by the wife, which is really hard to believe, but okay. The wife of the main guy.

that she killed and the father of the um the matthew and then i think it's the brother he's supposed to be the younger brother of one of the other guys and i'm like this was fucking

50 years ago like and this brother is like 20 like how does that work but anyway uh they kidnap her and they want to get revenge you know so

The premise itself is not bad. If you want to have a reason to bring this character back and do something with it this many years later, I think that that is an okay jumping off point.

The problem is the movie is almost three hours long. What? Yes, it is two hours and 50 minutes long. And the majority of that is bullshit, shitty dialogue.

Because every single character has to go on this diatribe for like 10 to 15 minutes about everything they do. And I'm like, shut up, shut up. You know, like I've just.

It's just, you need an editor, sir. That's exactly what you need. But beyond that, I didn't hate it. I gave it like a two. I just didn't, you know, I didn't like it.

I could kind of see what he was trying to do. What really disappointed me was that

Her daughter who, oh, and they did that whole thing from Birdemic where her daughter is, she even, she says like exactly this pretty much. You are.

She's talking. Jennifer's talking to her daughter. You are the most. You are the highest.

paid supermodel in the world and you're the most sought after and then you look at this woman and you go okay um but it's all attitude jamie It's just like in Birdemic, you know, where he sells millions of dollars of...

It's $1 million. He is going to sell his company for $1 million. $1 million because it was $2 million and he gave the guy 50% off. And I'm like, what? How did you not lose your job?

Camille Keaton, by the way, is the actress who played Jennifer in both of these movies. Yes. And anyway, so her daughter's supposed to be this most...

famous, highest paid supermodel in the world and she gets kidnapped with him. The thing I have a problem with the most, apart from the fact that it's almost three fucking hours long, is that

And it's one of those movies where Brian wanted to stop. We're probably 30 minutes in and he's like, I don't need to finish this movie. And he actually got it for review. He didn't ask for it. They just sent it to him.

He's like, I really don't need to see anymore. And I'm like, well, I'm in it now. I have to know the end. And he's like, oh, yeah. Okay. So I end up sticking it out for the end. And he didn't.

He snatched the remote from me a couple times and fast forwarded through and I was like, stop it. So we're like fighting over the remote. But anyway, the biggest problem I had with it is that they worked in a rape scene with the daughter.

for no reason other than to have a rape scene. And I have always been...

a staunch defender of the first film i actually really like the first film it's not a fun watch it's it's a hard watch but i always gave him credit in that i felt like he made it as brutal as he did so that by the time you got to the

end of that film no one on earth would blame her for what she did you know there's just she did what she did because

They fucking deserved it. And I have always been on board with that. And I'm like, you know, sometimes you got to sit through the hard shit and it's for a good reason. And I've always felt that way about the first one. And I have always defended it. This one.

I have zero defense. Zero. This rape scene was totally unnecessary. It meant nothing. It led to nothing. I mean, it did lead to her getting revenge, but she got revenge because they killed her mother. They cut...

They cut Camille Keaton's head off on the steps of a church. Like, that is enough. That right there is enough for you to go out and get your revenge.

you know we didn't need this other and brian's like well what's the difference and i'm like the difference is

In the first one, that was the reason she was getting her revenge. We had to be on her side. We had to feel what she felt. It needed to be that brutal, and I'm okay with that. With this one, you could have cut it out completely, and her motivation wouldn't have...

changed so it's totally unnecessary and he's like yeah you may and he's like yeah you're right and i'm like apart from that it's three hours long and it's you don't need it like don't do it

Don't waste your time. And it, it hurts my feelings to say so, but even on top of that, the performances aren't very good. The dialogue is terrible. It's, it's just, it is a.

hey, everybody else is bringing back their legacy characters. I want to do that too. That's exactly what this is. It is a pure cash-in, and he didn't have the...

decency to even try to come up with something that wasn't pure exploitation which is what and i don't have a problem with exploitation but i'm like don't follow a film that you know

like the first one that actually has an impact i think with something that is so hollow and so obvious in the fact that you don't give a shit about it you're just

I don't know. It just, it's not good. Not good. I was really just, I was almost angry. And that takes a lot. That's a real bummer because there is something about the original I Spit on Your Grave.

that uh you know still to this day feels like transgressive and um you know i've been reading men women in chainsaws recently uh-huh

I've read it. And well, OK, so there there is a lot of discussion in that book about about I Spit on Your Grave as being this kind of interesting, you know.

gender study of how like this movie does not.

show the rape for titillation or anything or the original i spit on your grave that is very much like making men live with the brutality of that as viewers in the audience which isn't always the case you know a lot

of times rape scenes in films are shown with a degree of titillation and I Spit on Your Grave is not like that at all.

No, I mean, it's dirty. I mean, like physically dirt, like there's, you know, she's dirty. It's dirty and vile and violent.

And there is nothing exciting or attractive or titillating about it. It just reaches down into your gut to where...

I don't know. It grabs a hold of you, or at least for me. And when I was younger, it didn't do that as much. Like I watched the film and I always liked it, but I liked the revenge aspect of it as I got older. And I.

was able to more, I don't know, process it with a more adult mind, I guess, exactly how harrowing what she was going through was and how evil.

everything they did was then it had a much deeper impact on me and the more i watch it like every single time and it's not something i watch every year it's been a couple years since i've seen it but

Every time I do watch it, it gets a little worse. You know, it gets harder to watch because I just am like, oh God, it is just brutal, brutal. But there's nothing sexy about it. You know, he's not.

I never got the impression that he was trying to make it hot. You know, he's not.

This isn't for fun. This is, yeah, I think that you go with the understanding that women kind of get how horrifying the idea is and that this was to make sure everyone got it. Everyone can see.

how just how depraved this all is and i felt like he had a real solid point that he was trying to drive and yeah so it's it's disappointing to hear that This sounds like it kind of...

you know on on spools some of what made the original so interesting and and worthy of discussion and why it's a movie that people still i mean it's a grindhouse movie but there seems to be

enough substance to it um so anyway it's uh interesting um to say the least that you know this movie 40 years on is kind of a whole lot of nothing um hey you you want to hear about one last movie uh do you want to hear a good one yes too bad done much of that

Oh, you got me. What's good for the goose is good for the ganda. I saw on Netflix a movie called Choose or Die.

Oh, I saw the trailer for that. Oh no, it was, you know how when you turn on Netflix, there's always that one in the background that pops up and it kind of gives you the little rundown or the, it starts playing a little bit. I saw that.

that's as far as I've seen, but yeah, so I know, I know what it's about. So, yeah. So, um, don't watch any more than what you've seen already. Damn. I almost, cause when I saw that, I was like, well, you know, I'd give that a shot.

Don't. It is filled with British actors being Americans. And that is, you know, of... differing success uh as the movie goes on um but it's

It's one of the, like, I'm kind of a sucker for the idea of like, oh, this video game is haunted. And if you die in the game, you die for real. And this isn't that. This is more.

hey, there's this text-based game and it gives you two options and you got to pick something, but it's a real monkey's paw kind of choice because even if you pick the thing that doesn't sound so bad, it's going to end up bad for somebody.

okay and then once you kind of get the like here's what's going on um and i won't spoil it here just in case somebody does want to watch it don't because when you get the revelation of okay here's here is why this game is trying to make you choose it is such a clear setup for a sequel

that doesn't pay off like it ends in a real like well perhaps next time we'll do battle with each other kind of thing and you're like i don't think so you can here's what you can do You can pack all of that up into a big box and mail it to Timbuktu and then follow it.

Because I don't want any part of another choose or die movie. The original. And the other thing that I was thinking about when it comes to all this Netflix choose or die thing.

is that this was the second at least i think it's the second movie in a row that netflix has produced or or been an exclusive netflix horror movie that has just been a complete and total misfire like the the one before it is that texas chainsaw massacre movie

where i i loved it but i i mean somebody's gotta i guess but i was like oh yeah so what if that halloween remake only with

Texas Chainsaw Massacre and influencers. Yeah. Now, when you say it like that. I mean, but that's what it is.

No, I know they're really, they were trying to do the, well, it's just like with the, I spit on your grave. He really just, they really just tried to shoehorn in Sally Hardesty and.

That part was not so successful. Now, I don't blame the actress. I think the actress was fine. She did what she could. But there just was nothing for her to do there. You know, which is, you know, that's disappointing.

One thing I do like about that movie, though, is that I think they subvert your expectations when you first meet the cowboy.

he comes off like a prick and then it turns out like he's a really good guy and he actually is my favorite character one of my favorite characters of the year so far I love him but

And then you get the whole the influencers or they are what you expect them to be. But I just thought the movie was fun. Like we have we don't get Texas Chainsaw movies with that kind of.

just balls to the wall of violence and, and that means like the bus scene kill as, as much as it makes me cringe when the guy's like, you know, try anything and you're canceled, bro.

When he then proceeds to just mow down everybody in that bus, just limbs flying and blood flying, I was having a good time. Yeah, but you have to hear somebody say, try anything and you're canceled.

To get to the violence and it's not worth it.

like every uh yeah i again i you know like what you like i am not telling you you're wrong i've seen it three times but

When I got done watching that movie, I was like, oh, go fuck myself? Okay. This movie is so stupid.

and you're right it's violent and it's gory and if that's what you're in for like if that's the only thing you want out of the movie then it'll give that to you but everything else about the movie is

not great and choose or die but i will say this choose or die is that dumb only it doesn't have the gore oh well then there's no point all right hey you got it that is what i was trying to say a hundred percent correct

so um anyway that is a final we we've hit our hour mark and as always we we try to keep these things limited to an hour but um you know We covered some good ground, and I think that people have learned a lot of valuable lessons, mostly about what not to see.

Yeah, and that Army Ermy is... Army Ermy. It's not so bad. All right, we'll be back in a month. Bye!

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